Having boundaries in relationships are an important part of self-care, because what we allow ourselves to give and receive are crucial for our own well being and for that of others. It comes back down to self-love.
Boundaries are about taking control of your personal space, thoughts and time. We are allowed to give ourselves permission on how we spend our time, and whom we spend it with.
Having healthy boundaries means it’s okay to say no to relationships and events not in alignment with our values, and yes to people and experiences that fill us up.
Here are 5 tips to setting healthy boundaries.
1. Be okay with saying no. It’s okay to say no to others. I remember reading something Life Coach, Cheryl Richardson once wrote. She said, "if it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no". It’s empowering to live by this motto when deciding whether or not to do something. Another great way is to check in to see if it’s in alignment with your values.
Take some time to figure out what they are first if you haven’t already, with some examples being; family, financial security, fun, spirituality, etc. It makes it easier to say no to something when it’s not in alignment with your values. I like to call this a gut check. You will know in your gut if it’s the right opportunity / experience for you to participate in. Don’t do things because you think you “should”.
2. Know that being afraid to say no comes from not waiting to hurt other people’s feelings and caring what others think. Having the awareness around this is key. It’s okay to take a stand for your own life and business. This is how you are going to create the life you are wanting. If others aren’t okay with you saying no, then they’re likely not people with whom you want to associate with anyway.
3. Find the language that will work for you. Decide on a sentence that will be your go to when you are not interested in doing what someone is asking of you. It could be something like, “I’m sorry that doesn’t work for me; or that’s not something I’m interested in, but I will think of others who might benefit”. Then practice it often. I remember when I first started coaching, one of our assignments was to say no at least once a week. It starts to feel more and more comfortable as you practice.
4. Your time is everything personally and professionally, and you need to spend it wisely. If you are looking to satisfy some type of dysfunctional need then you are not going to make the best choices with your time. Dig deep into what is really going on underneath the desire to say yes - ask yourself what you are really getting out of this? Is it the need to fix, be liked, etc.? Realize if it’s coming form a place of self-love or self-lack.
When you do say yes to an appointment or commitment, stay true to your yes and see it through. Do not let outside circumstances or other people’s agendas sway you. This is about staying true to yourself and your values, and this is why it’s important to watch what types of commitments you are making in the first place.
5. Value yourself enough to include time for yourself and your growth in your calendar. This will help you with your overall quality of life. Treat this time like it’s a plane flight you cannot miss! This way you will not create an excuse or story around not doing it.
Watch yourself thrive as you start to take control back over your time by setting healthy boundaries. You will feel empowered and realize it wasn’t as scary as you thought, and well worth it with the happiness it brings :-)
And when your cup is full, you will have more to give to others too! Just pay attention to what you’re filling your cup up with! Much love xoxo
Written by Success Speaker & Coach Chris Atley, CEO of Chris Atley LLC ~ Decisions by Design. For complimentary success tips for business and life, please visit www.chrisatley.com.
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